last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
