And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
