Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
