dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
