woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
