just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
