Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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