U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
