it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
