You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
