they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
