bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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