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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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