You really coming over, don't trick.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
