I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish there were birth control emojis
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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