I want to make a zoo with you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
