Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
