I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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