so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize