I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
