Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
