My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
