I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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