we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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