Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
