So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
