It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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