Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
