So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
