I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
