Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
