i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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