I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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