I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
