We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
