How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
