btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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