On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
