I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
