and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
