Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
