i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
