When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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