I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize