Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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