Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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