Screwed.edu
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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