On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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