In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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