Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
