butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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