did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
