You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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