Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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