PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
