Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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