Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
