we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
