I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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