and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
