home. puking in laundry basket.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
