Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
