you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
