4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
