$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
