I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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