She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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