can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize