I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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