Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
