the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize