So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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