What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My feet surprised me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
