Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
