I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
