I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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