I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
