You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
